Urgent update!

Just had an email from my sister. She said Dad had read by blog and was still going on about the pole! How it was good quality and that I should not have thrown it out. Seriously if these are the genes I have inherited I really have no hope.

In an interesting twist in the pole story it has not been thrown away Jamie has it. He has put it in a place where I can’t find it. (I have tried to hunt it out but I can’t find it) I feel deceived.

And you know what they say about marrying a man who is like your father.



Above is a picture of a pole similar to the one currently illegally squatting in my house. Apart from this pole is darker and has broken end.
If you see it let me know!

xxxx

Johann and the pole

Johann has been visiting.
And the other day he tried to give me a pole. Let me explain. My dads house is full or crap. He has two spare bedrooms and a downstairs lounge and it is full of stuff. Some he sells on e-bay, some he has got from somewhere and doesn’t know where to put it and some I think he is saving for his retirement so he has something to look at it when he is no longer working. Anyway you can’t leave my Dads house with something in your hand. He is generous fellow and also has something which he thinks you will need. Once he gave us meat, that was past it’s expiry date. We did not eat it.

So before dad left to go home to NZ he had a flag and a flag pole but couldn’t take the pole into NZ because it was wood. And you can’t bring wood into NZ or they throw you into Jail and throw away the key.
And he said to Jamie ‘Look you can keep this pole and use it.’ (You will notice he targeted Jamie because he is the weak link and has not had the years of practice that I have had of fending off bits of crap thrown from Johann)
I quickly took over the negotiations.
And I said ‘What for?’ (side note my sister has a good tacit at dealing with this she says. Umm I don’ think I will use that old pot/broken glass/dead plant but thanks anyway Dad. I however try to re-educate him by challenging his perceptions of what is and is not useful in my life. I am fighting a never ending battle)
And he said ‘For things around the house.’
And I said ‘What things?’ Because I knew there was no use for the pole and there would never be a use for the pole.
And he said, Wait for it, ‘Poking the corner of your ceiling.’ When and why would I need to poke the corner of my ceiling?
Madman.
He also left a strange Austrian gnome thing in the bedroom which freaks Jamie out but I kind of like it.
Actually I have just thought of a purpose of the pole. I could use it to stir paint pots. Bugger, I made Dad throw it out to teach him a lesson.

Why I married him

So since Jamie is in New York with his laptop and he keeps on harping on about how I need my own laptop and I really do because I can’t use his all the time and more importantly I am not allowed to eat or drink anywhere near his laptop and I have to wash and thoroughly dry my hands before use.

So I thought I would go into PC World and buy myself a cheap laptop and I thought I could do it by myself because I am an intelligent woman and I do know a bit about computers and I am not easily intimidated by geeky IT people.
Turns out I was wrong I know nothing about computers and in fact I am rather stupid.
So I left PC World with no laptop and having to admit that I do need my husband for some things.
Other things I need Jamie for:
To open corkscrew on wine bottles, I bought a very fancy wine bottle opener because I can’t use a traditional one and I still have to ring him to get him to explain it to me.
Can’t work any type of plug/internet/modem combo at all.
To remind me to feed Ginger, who is still alive and thriving fyi.
To help me make the bed, he has very nifty hands for tucking the fitted sheet in
To moderate my extremely bad taste in music, if he wasn’t around I would be listening to 80’s power ballads non-stop
And most importantly
To do the dishes and make dinner. I can’t carry the weight of this domestic burden alone.

Peace xxxx

Farout

Forgot the best news ever due to my wonderful parents generosity I am coming home to New Zealand in two weeks in February. Yipee get to see my nephew who i had a dream about last night and we were the best of friends.
xxxx

Where have I been?

So I haven’t blogged in so long because Jamie has been in Tokyo with work so I have been by myself with no computer. I love having the house to myself, I can drink wine, eat the food I want and watch bad TV. I love it. But eventually I miss Jamie and want home to come home and I miss him, I mean he is my husband.

But my all time favourite thing to do is to have a glass or two or half a bottle (whatever whose going to judge me?) and watch the wedding DVD. I fast forward all the boring bits and just watch the ceremony and the speeches.

Also I have forgotten Jamie’s vows so I like to re-cap them so I can throw them back in his face if needs be.

Also have not written because we have been in the middle of a hellish DIY. Take a moment close your eyes and imagine ….
A textured plaster ceiling, imagine wetting this ceiling with a product and scraping off the texture than imagine re-plastering the ceiling then imagine sanding the ceiling and then re-painting the ceiling. Nightmare doesn’t even describe it. I estimate it took us about 10 full days and a whole lot of heartache. The highlights in no particular order were:
Running out of every product we needed twice, this include paint and plaster

Being covered in dust, I mean covered having to rake it out of my eyes because the protective goggles we were using were also covered in dust.

Having to eat our food on the stairs for three weeks.

Also we had a quote to do it and it was £550 pounds we spent £450 and 10 days doing it ourselves. WASTE OF TIME. Even my tight arsed husband agreed that we should have got someone to do it for us.

On the upside I talked to Jamie more than I have ever talked to him before in my life. On the first day of DIY I said to him you don’t chat much when you work and he said ‘no, I like to keep my mind on the job.’ I said ‘Whoa dude just to let you know all I do when I work is talk.’ Actually once I had my wisdom teeth out and the dentist said you can go back to work just don’t talk too much and you should be fine. I lasted an hour and a half before I had to go home.

Which brings us neatly to a game of would you rather.
So I asked Jamie would you rather lose your hearing or sight? Jamie said my hearing (which isn’t much of a stretch because he is already quite deaf due to his mis-spent youth in clubs listening tot eh drum and bass)
So I asked him would you rather loose an arm or a leg? And he said 'arm' and I was like wrong answer. Dude think about it you can’t use your hand and prosthetic arms are crap compared to prosthetic legs. Look at Heather Mills she married a bealte without a leg. And he said ‘you gave me the choice’ and i said ‘yeah but you made the wrong choice, think about it for a second before you answer.’ And then we decided that perhaps we shouldn’t talk for a while.
xxxx

No idea

Also watched the DIY painting DVD last night, what a rip off, it lasted about 3 minutes and was made in 1989, the guy was wearing a calculator watch for god’s sake and it told us nothing useful.

So we are back to square one. Are off to the DIY shop to wander around like lost lambs buying the wrong type of tools and equipment.

I wish my Mum was here she is the DIY guru. She even has a bench tool sharpener for making tools sharp. I don’t even know why tools have to be sharp.

xxx

The little differences

TV programmes that I like and Jamie HATES
Gladiators
World’s strongest man
Fear Factor
World championship darts (both amateur and professional)

Programmes that Jamie likes and I hate
None, Jamie doesn’t really watch TV, he once watched a documentary about car bombing that I thought was boring but I watched it anyway because I had nothing else to do.