Second time around

 So far olive has been a dream compared to mackay. Olive is an easy baby but then so was mackay. I was just a difficult mother. 

I was so sick after mackay was born, my body went first and my mind quickly after. I was incapable of mothering him. I faked it for a long long time and then it kind of worked out okay in the end. 

I did my absolute best under the circumstances but I still have regrets. I'm not guilty about anything, I just wish it had been different. Like I can't remember mackay laughing when he was a baby, I'm sure he did but I just can't remember it. This makes me really sad. Olive has a killer giggle and Mackay probably did too., but its gone from my memory banks.

With olive I am so much more relaxed and enjoying it, juggling two is hard but not insurmountable and with olive and now mackay I have a real appreciation for how quickly it goes and how much you miss each stage when it has passed. No problem is unsolvable and what I learnt with Mackay is that each stage passes and every day is different. If you're having a bad day forget it and move on. If you're having a good day rejoice! And pat yourself on the back.

A good day

Recent Mackay

A recent picture of mackay, styled by himself. Helping jamie with the gardening. We're trying to buy a house in Auckland (impossible) and even though Jamie has a good salary we still need to generate more income. Because I am currently tied to Olive by the breast I can't work, she's far too little to be away from me. So we are sending mackay to the salt mines. Not really I am just registering him with a casting agent to try and get some work. Do you know they get between $500 and $5000 dollars a day,  that's a lot off the mortgage. My sister thinks I should put it in a back account for his future. Nope going straight into my bank account to be used for whatever I want.

I spoke to a casting agent and really his chances of being cast are very slim, and then she said those kids that are best are the ones that can amuse themselves and sit quietly while they are not needed for filming. Anyone else see a problem with Mackay sitting quietly and amusing himself? I do, he can't do it. Not ever. We went to a playgroup once that was indoors and the lady who ran it politely suggested that I might want to take him to the park for a runabout, much like a dog.

Before i had kids I would have never put them up for castings, afraid it might ruin their self-esteem, teach them the wrong values etc, etc. Now I just want the cash.

Resurrection

So I've decided to fire up the blog again after the world's longest break. I'm going to do a couple of posts and then announce it to the world with a massive multimedia, multi platform re-launch, or just put the link on facebook. Whatever works.

Since last time we spoke there have been big changes, little changes and medium sized changes in Andrea Bennett's life. And one of them is not talking about myself in the third person, I'll only do that onceIi promise.

So I had a baby, a little girl we called Olive. (It was so painful I can't even bear to remember it) Who we all love and who is an amazing sleeper, i'm not going to tell you how amazing because other mothers will hunt me down and kill me. But compared to Mackay her sleep is phenomenal. Second time around it is a million times easier, probably because i'm not on my death bed and also because i am so much more relaxed about everything. And time has passed so quickly. She is three months already. Did i hear you ask for a photo? okay just because you twisted my arm. Here she is.

She is a cutie pootie.

Mackay loves her too which is good and no jealously issues with her, he's not too fond of me at the moment preferring Jamie, the other day he told me that some mummy's go to work and daddies stay at home, I told him yes they do but Mummy's job is looking after you. He wasn't impressed. I never thought i would be a stay at home mother or as I like to call it housewife but here I am. Sometimes you end up where you end up.

In other massive life changing news we moved countries, from London to Auckland. I was lying in bed last night and I can't believe we stayed there that long, we were in london for 10 years, most of which is documented on this blog. I feel so settled and at home here already. Jamie got a job quite quickly and we are living in a lovely sunny rental property. I have either forgotten how good the weather is here or have adjusted to the awfulness of london weather. Because seriously winter here last about 2 months and the lowest it gets to is 12 on a bad day 18 on a good day. 12 degrees! that's summer in london. Although this year they have had an amazing summer, i am beginning to think I am the weather curse and bad weather follows me. this is too nightmarish to even contemplate. 

That's all for now. A couple of admin things. The blog has changed appearance, in line with re-lauch so don't be shocked it's still me! Although if a colour change on a blog shocks you I think you may have a problem with change which you might need to address and secondly i am moderating all comments because i was spammed while i was away, so comment please it just won't appear straight away.

Another one on the way

Due end of June Yipee!

I totally forgot!

My sister had a baby boy called Bruno about a month ago. I'm so totally self-obsessed i forgot to put it on my blog.

Also i've had a vomiting bug which means I have vomited for four days in a  row and Jamie has had me on the World War Two diet, which is white bread, crackers and plain pasta. Hang on did they have white flour in the war? if they didn't it was more dire than i thought.  I branched out and had spinach pasta last night and it didn't go down to well, literally.

Another thing i'm not sure if you know but have you ever vomited  standing up? i recommend it. Not vomiting of course but if you have to, try it standing up. It's much more pleasnat. I vomited into the waste disposal rather than the sink as I didn't want to mush my hand around in the vomit to get it down the sick. but I think standing up makes your stomach contract less or is less cramped or something. Either way standing up vomiting is my new thing. Maybe I should let Kate Middleton know.

mackay knows his name 'Mac-Kai Frank Bennett' and my name 'Andrea' but he thinks Jamie's name is 'Babe' the other day he finished in the shower and said 'i'm ready to get out Babe' I think it is hilarious, jamie not so much.

Right off to have another water cracker, oh the excitement.

Well ...

No blog post in about 500 years and i am thinking of giving up the blog, I have been doing it for ages now, maybe about 5 years give or take and I think I am running out of things to say. And motherhood has turned my brain to mush, seriously speaking of words in more than 5 letters is a struggle. I've lost the love a bit actually and probably because my blogging is so intermittent, my audience.

I also notice how many blogs that mothers write revolve around their children, mostly with phrases like 'here we are at the beach' or 'My first piece of apple' and although i am guilty of this. lets be honest it's mostly really boring.

Also there's lots of stuff going down in the Bennett household that i can't talk about. Now by saying this i am not trying to encourage drama or for you to beg me to tell you what is going on. (Much like a Facebook friend whose status updates are 'I'm so angry' and then people ask why and she never responds, seriously is there anything more attention seeking!)  Just that there is stuff that I can't talk about because of national security reasons. This leads to a barrier between you my audience and me the narrator. And as i' m trying to live my life more honestly these days, (It's awesome you should try it) i find that being unable to write about these things means my blogging flow is blocked, big time.

And when you add into the mix Facebook and I feel like I am interacting with people on a digital level. Maybe i should put my Facebook posts on here. Maybe not.

Pack horse

Question: How much can I fit on mackay's stroller?
Answer: a shit load