you poor dudes

Just realised haven't put any honeymoon pictures up. You poor dudes.

Below are a collection of my favourites. not sure if I will write captions. let's do it a different way. I will write a the captions in one long senteance and then you can match them up as you wish. Also there will be one red herring in there. A fake caption. oh the excitement.
So here we go. in no particular order. The waterfall from Fantasy Island, they really should re-make that programme it was a classic, jamie eating a burger, me eating a burger, St patricks day beer when they put green food colouring in the drink, those crazy americans, a very pissed off dog, (this is my favourite picture of the honeymoon.) Jamie on the waikiki beach looking his age, Jamie on poipu beach looking like an 80 year old american, a picture of famous Hawaiian resident Magnum PI holding a gigantic pineapple, the car from Back to the future, it's the flippen deloren! Our hire car, offically it's called a compact which in American terms means it does not take half a litre of gas when you turn the ignition on. did you match them? did you see the false caption?

what to say?

No news to report, if I could be bothered moving off the couch and getting the digital camera I could put some pictures of vegas up. But I can't be bothered. so you will have to do with words instead and i have a headache.

it's a long weekend this weekend so on Saturday we went to the southbank and strolled along the thames to the tate modern to see the gigantic street art on the side of the building which was ace and then we wandered inside and they were having a art installation and it was of a woman making the world's biggest salad. It had about 2 tonnes of lettuce, spring onions, tomatoes and litres of olive oil. And they were 8 chefs chopping stuff and when they finished they threw it over the balcony and into a gigantic taurpoline and then it was tossed and then raked and then you could eat it. We did not, jamie wasn't sure if the rake was new or previously used for raking dead leafs. And i have to say we waited about half an hour for it to start and then about 20 minutes for the salad to be made and tossed and I have to say for the world's biggest salad it wasn't all that big, in fact it was a bit of an anti-climax. And then the artist said, 'This salad is so big it could feed the whole WORLD!' in her american accent, I saw the salad and I can assure you that was a lie.

And then we watched some bmxing and then headed home for along rest, it was 7:30 and i was so tired I almost feel asleep during eurovision. but i watched it all the way through and good knows how I used to watch that drunk because it is confusing enough sober. Russia won, no surprise there. I hate to bang on about it but they really need to overhaul that voting system. My favourite entry this year was Bosina who had a crazy loon with a washing line and four brides knitting. I am not joking. Britain finished last and seriously we weren't that bad. okay we were bad but we didn't have any knitting brides.

There was a time, a long time ago when a long weekend meant coming to a club on saturday night and not coming home until 6:00 in the morning. and the spending all day sunday and monday in bed recovering. Now I can't even stay up past 9:30 on a saturday night. What is happening to me? It can't be old age. Can it? A club, I can't even remember what one smells like. Now my top priority at the weekend is painting the front door and I haven't even done that because i am too tired.


In other news i am a fire warden at work and I had training last week. I did not volunteer for his job I was appointed, rather like the pope. Anyway at training I relaised I was not the right person for this job because:
a) I look terrible in flourscent yellow
b) I am afraid of fire
c) I am afraid of smoke
d) I have to wear hat. Regular readers of the blog will know the trouble with this. My head is massive so that hat perches on my head like a beret and if there ever was an emrgency sitauiton it might fall over my eyes, thus stopping me from seeing where the fire exits are. (I have actually already forgotten where these are, I am hoping to follow the hysterical crowd in case of a fire)
f) Did i mention I am afraid of FIRE!

I'm not quite sure this fire warden thing is going to work out well for all of those involved. I might have to resign on medical grounds, due to my nervous condition.

will right more later hopefully when i am feeling less tired. Also no blog in so long because jamie took his laptop to New York. Selfish bugger.

xxxx

disturbing scenes ahead

diahoerrea is referred to as ‘the runs’ or ‘dio’ in the following entry. Also be warned graphic scenes are ahead only read it if are not planning to eat for a while and have a strong stomach.

So I went to vegas and then came back and then the trouble started. Just a bit of background, we didn’t fly directly to or from Vegas because it was too expensive instead we went via Detroit on the way there and via Minneapolis on the way back. That’s right you guessed it we took the long way round and it took us 18 hours each way when really if we weren’t so tight it would have taken us 10 hours. We are stupid.

Anyway so the last night in Vegas we went out and got boozed and the Jamie vomited. Ununasul, because he does not puke easily off booze, in fact only 2 times in the 11 years I have known him and because on both of those times he couldn’t stand but in Vegas he could stand and most entertainly for me, dance. So on the last night in Vegas he puked and then all the way home on the plane he bitched and said he had a sore stomach and had the runs. But I did not believe him because I thought he was faking.

Then we got home and slept on the Monday night and we went to work on Tuesday and all morning on Tuesday I felt funny. I thought it was because of jet lag and then the tidal wave hit.

You know when you can feel your bowls move and you go pale and realise that even if you had superman’s speed you could not make it to the toilet on time. So that hit me, twice. But still I stayed at work because I am a diligent worker and hey it’s only dio what’s the worst that can happen? A whole lot worse as I was about to find out.
So I called Jamie and he was like I am at home I couldn’t stay at work, so I thought bugger it, if he is at home then I should be too. So I went home and thank god I lasted the whole bus ride home but as soon as I was in the door my bowls sensed I was home and then opened.

And I thought I’ll just lie on the couch and then go to the toilet when I need too and watch TV in between movements. Soon the couch was to far from the toilet so I lay in the hall and looked at the TV with my head. Then the hall was too far from the toilet, that’s right the hall. And bear in mind you can walk from one end of the flat to the other in about 2.5 seconds. So I just gave up and sat on the toilet reading trashy women’s mags for about 3 hours and made Jamie tell me what was happening on the cheesy TV movie I was watching.

At first we had a competition to see who had the most bowl movements, yeah that got old real old real fast. We stopped counting after 5 in 1 hour.

And now I have great answered question in life which those of you with weak stomachs may not want to read. Where in hell does all that crap come from? Like really where does it come from? because I passed about 5 days of poo in one hour and still it kept coming.

Anyway obviously I didn’t eat anything all day because I couldn’t stomach it and it wasn’t staying in anyway so really there wasn’t any point.

And then I had no energy because I hadn’t eaten and it continues for 48 hours and then I could sleep on my side or my stomach because it hurt so much and then I went to sleep woke up and it started al over again and then I went to back to work and da dun you guessed it, I got my period.

And I rang my sister and told her my tale of diahoerrea woe and she said to me. ‘diahoerrea that’s a hard word to spell.’ And like always, she was right, it’s hard to spell and very hard to have.

That’s all vegas update to come.

xxxxx

A great loss

Murray has died. I am bereft, properly sad. We had fishcakes for dinner last night and I think he smelt them and it tipped him over the edge and I cried this morning twice when I was thinking about his cute little face. I loved him and I don’t want a replacement because I don’t think I can go through the pain of losing another fish.
Jamie said he had gone to the fish heaven in the sky, I told him to stop taking the piss.

We flushed him, Jamie did it. I was too upset and then Jamie asked if I wanted to say a few words but I couldn’t face looking at the toilet knowing Murray was in there, plus he was a big fish not sure if he would get stuck in the toilet and I thought it might get messy. But he went down in one flush.

Remember when Murray would swim on his side and then get pissed off when you didn’t feed him and sulked in the corner of the tank. I’ll always have the memories.

Murray Wohlmuther-Bennett R.I.P you will be missed

Wedding party pictures

On April 12th we got all our friends in London together and had a party to celebrate our wedding. We had a great night and felt much love in the room.
Thanks to every one from coming and for all the lovely pressies.

Many many pictures taking by our friend Mieke, look how brown I am. Before you ask wedding dress is off for another clean due to me dancing on it all night.



Packed dance floor at the end of the night, I didn't realise how many people danced until I saw this photo. Probably because i had so many wines/champagnes/beers and one shot.


Mike nad Rachel getting low, low, low.


Jamie and I fighting over the ipod, we didn't have enough songs, we underestimated how much dancing would be going on.


Emily and Rose


Jamie and I re-created our first dance. I made him do it but yet he won't go and get me chocolate now. Man he is fickle.


Mike our MC and us toasting ourselves, because that is what you do at weddings.



Poeple toasting us because we made speeches.


And more people toasting us.


The happy couple pre ipod fight.


Me and my work friends.