Well I am well and truly middle aged and not it’s not because I am pregnant or married or have a mortgage but because I made the decision a few weeks ago to call noise control on my neighbours.
Our downstairs neighbour was having a party, a really loud party on a Saturday night. In the olden days, pre-pregnancy I would have thought ‘oh let them have their fun’ But I shut that party down Bennett style.
So I called the council and made an official complaint I said to the guy on the phone ‘The neighbours are playing really loud music, you need to come and stop it and stop it now because I am pregnant and therefore more important than anyone else in the world.’ I got all militant and then I said ‘But it is totally anonymous ,right?’ I did fear some retribution might be coming our way. But they assured me that it was completely anonymous. Although I don’t know why I was scared they were playing Michael Jackson for god’s sake not exactly ganagsa rap.
And then they sent there two nice men out who listened to the music decided that yes it was far too loud and went down and knocked on their door and told them the party was OVER. And then everyone left and I felt mean for about 5 seconds before I drifted into a peaceful sleep.
As an interesting aside we had bean burgers for dinner which is essentially kidney beans ground up with spices, it was a recipe that my sister gave me. What she neglected to tell me was that it gives you the smelliest worst farts you will ever experience. So I was lying in bed all night, awake and stinking up the bedroom. When I farted I would say to Jamie ‘Don’t move, don’t move you’ll just disturb the duvet and release the stench.’ Anyway so when the noise control guys came into the house they had to come into the bedroom to listen to the music because that’s where the noise and coincidentally the smell was most concentrated and they said ‘yeah it’s really noisy’ and exited quick smart because the bedroom was so stinky.
So now I have turned into a stinky old woman who makes complaints about people that are having more fun than her.
Xxx
Ps the noise control guys had badges like police man, Jamie was very impressed, and it’s the little things that often impress him.
Pps when I told everyone at work they were outraged that i could be so mean, it was like I had called the gestapo on Anne Frank.
