I was so sick after mackay was born, my body went first and my mind quickly after. I was incapable of mothering him. I faked it for a long long time and then it kind of worked out okay in the end.
I did my absolute best under the circumstances but I still have regrets. I'm not guilty about anything, I just wish it had been different. Like I can't remember mackay laughing when he was a baby, I'm sure he did but I just can't remember it. This makes me really sad. Olive has a killer giggle and Mackay probably did too., but its gone from my memory banks.
With olive I am so much more relaxed and enjoying it, juggling two is hard but not insurmountable and with olive and now mackay I have a real appreciation for how quickly it goes and how much you miss each stage when it has passed. No problem is unsolvable and what I learnt with Mackay is that each stage passes and every day is different. If you're having a bad day forget it and move on. If you're having a good day rejoice! And pat yourself on the back.
A good day
