I was reading another blog yesterday and i saw a post which got me thinking about motherhood (i would link you to it but i can't find it now)
Anyway it talked about our standard responses and how really we are not very honest with each other. I think this is especially true of mothers.
When people say how are you finding motherhood, people say 'Oh I love it' 'He is my joy' 'I'm just so lucky to be a mother' And sure all these things are true for me and I'm sure lots for other people. But when someone asks me this is what I really want to say
'I find being a mother hard, it's like every other job some days are awesome and some days suck. I have been doing this for over a year and I still find it stressful and really, really, really hard. Did I say I find it hard? Some days I think I have it all figured out and then it changes, and I hate it when it changes. I have so may joyous moments with Mackay but I have some pretty boring ones too. And even now I still mourn for the person I was and I miss that person. Oh and I really miss sleep.'
Now I don't mean for this to sound angry or ungrateful but guess what? some days I am angry and ungrateful, other days I feel on top of the world and like I have all the blessings one person can handle. But what gets me through those hard moments is talking to someone who understands, who I can be honest with and who is honest with me. I want more of these people!
I guess I hope that one day, as mothers, we can cut the crap a bit and when someone asks how are I am instead of saying 'Oh you know fine.' I can say 'I am shit, this motherhood thing is far harder than I ever imagined.'
xxxx
Monday 18 July 2011
shopping post baby
I had a free afternoon last Tuesday so I took myself off to the shops to see if I could find anything to splash my cash on. And this is what I have realised. All the shops I used to shop are now far too young for me and by young I mean the clothes are too short, far too short.
I never had a problem with short in the past (pre-mackay) I used to trot around london in all manner of mini's. But now I find it rather unseemly and desperate. (But I am still okay at showing a bit of cleavage you will be relieved to know)
Also mini's are very impractical, you can't pick up a child with a short skirt on. It's just not possible, and believe me when mackay was first born, I tried, not very successfully.
When my sister was over cleaning out my wardrobe she picked up one of my favourite dresses and said, 'this is a nice top' I said 'that's one of my favourote dresses.' That's how short my skirts were, they were tops.
Anyway so when i was looking round in the shops I realise that I am a 31 year old woman who mentally still thinks she is 25 and perphaps I should change the shops I frequent. So it was good bye topshop and hello Monsoon, which is a store full of sensible dresses that are middle of the road, middle aged and overpriced, because they know that old woman are desperate to buy a dress that doesn't make them look like mutton dressed as lamb. Anyway now I am middle of the road, middle aged and willingly to pay exorbitant prices not to look slutty because I bought two dresses from there and worse when I wore them everyone told me how good i looked. In middle aged women's clothing. Dire.
I never had a problem with short in the past (pre-mackay) I used to trot around london in all manner of mini's. But now I find it rather unseemly and desperate. (But I am still okay at showing a bit of cleavage you will be relieved to know)
Also mini's are very impractical, you can't pick up a child with a short skirt on. It's just not possible, and believe me when mackay was first born, I tried, not very successfully.
When my sister was over cleaning out my wardrobe she picked up one of my favourite dresses and said, 'this is a nice top' I said 'that's one of my favourote dresses.' That's how short my skirts were, they were tops.
Anyway so when i was looking round in the shops I realise that I am a 31 year old woman who mentally still thinks she is 25 and perphaps I should change the shops I frequent. So it was good bye topshop and hello Monsoon, which is a store full of sensible dresses that are middle of the road, middle aged and overpriced, because they know that old woman are desperate to buy a dress that doesn't make them look like mutton dressed as lamb. Anyway now I am middle of the road, middle aged and willingly to pay exorbitant prices not to look slutty because I bought two dresses from there and worse when I wore them everyone told me how good i looked. In middle aged women's clothing. Dire.
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