diahoerrea is referred to as ‘the runs’ or ‘dio’ in the following entry. Also be warned graphic scenes are ahead only read it if are not planning to eat for a while and have a strong stomach.
So I went to vegas and then came back and then the trouble started. Just a bit of background, we didn’t fly directly to or from Vegas because it was too expensive instead we went via Detroit on the way there and via Minneapolis on the way back. That’s right you guessed it we took the long way round and it took us 18 hours each way when really if we weren’t so tight it would have taken us 10 hours. We are stupid.
Anyway so the last night in Vegas we went out and got boozed and the Jamie vomited. Ununasul, because he does not puke easily off booze, in fact only 2 times in the 11 years I have known him and because on both of those times he couldn’t stand but in Vegas he could stand and most entertainly for me, dance. So on the last night in Vegas he puked and then all the way home on the plane he bitched and said he had a sore stomach and had the runs. But I did not believe him because I thought he was faking.
Then we got home and slept on the Monday night and we went to work on Tuesday and all morning on Tuesday I felt funny. I thought it was because of jet lag and then the tidal wave hit.
You know when you can feel your bowls move and you go pale and realise that even if you had superman’s speed you could not make it to the toilet on time. So that hit me, twice. But still I stayed at work because I am a diligent worker and hey it’s only dio what’s the worst that can happen? A whole lot worse as I was about to find out.
So I called Jamie and he was like I am at home I couldn’t stay at work, so I thought bugger it, if he is at home then I should be too. So I went home and thank god I lasted the whole bus ride home but as soon as I was in the door my bowls sensed I was home and then opened.
And I thought I’ll just lie on the couch and then go to the toilet when I need too and watch TV in between movements. Soon the couch was to far from the toilet so I lay in the hall and looked at the TV with my head. Then the hall was too far from the toilet, that’s right the hall. And bear in mind you can walk from one end of the flat to the other in about 2.5 seconds. So I just gave up and sat on the toilet reading trashy women’s mags for about 3 hours and made Jamie tell me what was happening on the cheesy TV movie I was watching.
At first we had a competition to see who had the most bowl movements, yeah that got old real old real fast. We stopped counting after 5 in 1 hour.
And now I have great answered question in life which those of you with weak stomachs may not want to read. Where in hell does all that crap come from? Like really where does it come from? because I passed about 5 days of poo in one hour and still it kept coming.
Anyway obviously I didn’t eat anything all day because I couldn’t stomach it and it wasn’t staying in anyway so really there wasn’t any point.
And then I had no energy because I hadn’t eaten and it continues for 48 hours and then I could sleep on my side or my stomach because it hurt so much and then I went to sleep woke up and it started al over again and then I went to back to work and da dun you guessed it, I got my period.
And I rang my sister and told her my tale of diahoerrea woe and she said to me. ‘diahoerrea that’s a hard word to spell.’ And like always, she was right, it’s hard to spell and very hard to have.
That’s all vegas update to come.
xxxxx
