Freakout

I think I am a pretty easy going bride. Despite the fact that I am organising the wedding half way across the world and we have had a few issues pop up and I get upset for a second and then carry on. I haven’t even seen my dress for god’s sake, it hasn’t even been made. Look how relaxed I am! LOOK.

I haven’t had too many fights with Jamie and mostly we agree on the direction of the wedding, I don’t want to say forever in our vows but we reached I compromise. I will say forever and he will turn up and marry me.

Today I had a bridal freak out. I ordered a headpiece what I thought was going to be a nice big clip and it turned a very little clip, a very little expensive clip, and we all know I have a massive head (10cms bigger than the average sized head and I can’t fit any woman’s hats and only men’s in a large size)

Anyway the clip is tiny and is lost of the massive globe that is my head. I was so upset I cried, I cried about a fricken hair clip. I asked everyone in the office about my hair clip (about 30 people) and there were mixed reviews, mostly the advice was you’re look beautiful and you’ll be happy about marrying Jamie. LIARS. They all thought it was too small too, I know it.

And my eczema has returned to my arms. I get it when I am really stressed like when my parents divorced, my 7th form exams and when I was 14 and couldn’t sleep because my birthday party depended on fine weather and I was terrified it was going to rain.

Anyway all that is besides the point. The wedding is stressing me out.
Here is a list of things that keep me up at night:

The table plan, anyone who was tried to seat different people from different backgrounds all in one place will understand. It’s like the fricken UN security council.

That my teeth will not be white enough in the photos.

That Jamie’s teeth will not be white enough in the photos.

I am scared that when I am on the bus and my hair is in a ponytail someone will chop it off. And my long hair that I have spent 18 months growing will be gone. (This isn’t as weird as it seems it happened to 2 ladies in Birmingham, I saw it on crime watch)

That my eczema will not clear up and will spread to the rest of my body and I will look like I have leprosy.

That in the photos my nose will shade the top of my lip and it will look like I have a moustache. (This happens a lot)


That’s all I can think of as you can see they mostly centre around my appearance. So now I feel self-centred and hysterical not a good combination at the best of times. The wedding has spun out of control.


I am going home tonight to have bath and a glass of red wine to calm myself down. Even though I shouldn’t because I am meant not to be having alcohol for the next three weeks. So I have fallen off the wagon, this also stresses me out. I am off to scratch my eczema.

xxx