A urban legend comes to life

Now if you have spent any time around a pregnant woman you will be aware of the condition 'baby brain' essentially it's an excuse for doing dumb shit and it's one of those things until you are pregnant you think it is an urban legend but it is completely true, unfortunately.

In the past month I have lost,

• my ipod still lost, I may have a hope of finding it as I can remember seeing it on a table or a surface of some kind.

• my keys, I loose these at least once a day

• my glasses, lost, permanently. I am buying a new pair tomorrow

• my security pass for work, I lose this every time I leave my desk to go the toilet, usually it's in my pocket.

• and finally my mind, the best example of this is the other day I came home from work and made myself a ham sandwhich, I got the ham, the lettuce, the bread and the mustard out and made a sandwhich. It wasn't until I was half-way through my second half of sandwhich, that I realised I had forgotten to put any ham in it. I had almost eaten the whole sandwhich without ham! I think I was distracted because the bread was so delicious. Anyway what ever the reason there was no ham. And when I told Jamie that story he said that the mustard was past it's due by date. I didn't even want to begin the conversation of how it knew it was off but left it in the fridge for me to eat, like a trap. So I had a rancid mustard and lettuce sandwhich for dinner but on the upside the bread and butter were delicious.

More brain dead adventures to follow

xxxx

30th birthday and fatty drea

My 30th birthday in a pub with good friends.

Rose, Emily and Aaron

Aaron, Yavanna and Steve


Jamie and Me, a terrible picture of me I know

Ang, Chris and Mieke (in Haloween make-up)

Steve and a magnificant brownie dessert. Also notice Emily in the background, she can't take her eyes off it.

Four months gone, the pictures got a bit freaky with just my belly so from now on they will ahve my head in them too.

Here is me at 5 months pregnant in front of our christmas tree. All comments on how radiant I am looking are welcome. All commments on how fat I am for five months when I really look about 7 months unwelcome.

It's a miracle, or is it?

You know when you fill out a medical history questionnaire and it says ‘Do you have any heart conditions.’ Well I always tick yes because I have a heart murmur, so when I got pregnant I thought oh this could be serious, the baby putting all this extra strain on my heart , it works 40 % harder you know, pumping all the extra blood to the baby.

Anyway so off I went for heart scan, and then I went to see the consultant last week waited for ages and had to be publicly weighed, (humiliating), Anyway so all his hoppla and then the consultant says to me you have a perfectly normal healthy heart. Nothing to worry about, I can’t even hear a heart murmur. Well there are two explanations for this:

1) I have healed myself, it’s a miracle! I am like Jesus, expect I only heal myself, so a selfish Jesus

2) Or the second explanation, my parents lied to be about having a heart murmur, entirely plausible since I have never had any symptoms or problems with my heat at all, ever. So really my parents and let’s be honest, probably my Mum has Muchanahuasen by-proxy.

All this time my parents said I had to be careful, had to take anti-biotics when I went to the dentist, had to take it easy when I was doing sports and there was nothing wrong with me, nothing at all! (the heart murmur was not the only reason I was taking it easy when I was doing sports, I am kind of lazy) I am keeping this story in my pocket for when I go into therapy and discuss my parents, let me tell you. Complete parental sabotage.

Love a perfectly healthy if not a bit fat drea xxxx