Another one on the way

Due end of June Yipee!

I totally forgot!

My sister had a baby boy called Bruno about a month ago. I'm so totally self-obsessed i forgot to put it on my blog.

Also i've had a vomiting bug which means I have vomited for four days in a  row and Jamie has had me on the World War Two diet, which is white bread, crackers and plain pasta. Hang on did they have white flour in the war? if they didn't it was more dire than i thought.  I branched out and had spinach pasta last night and it didn't go down to well, literally.

Another thing i'm not sure if you know but have you ever vomited  standing up? i recommend it. Not vomiting of course but if you have to, try it standing up. It's much more pleasnat. I vomited into the waste disposal rather than the sink as I didn't want to mush my hand around in the vomit to get it down the sick. but I think standing up makes your stomach contract less or is less cramped or something. Either way standing up vomiting is my new thing. Maybe I should let Kate Middleton know.

mackay knows his name 'Mac-Kai Frank Bennett' and my name 'Andrea' but he thinks Jamie's name is 'Babe' the other day he finished in the shower and said 'i'm ready to get out Babe' I think it is hilarious, jamie not so much.

Right off to have another water cracker, oh the excitement.

Well ...

No blog post in about 500 years and i am thinking of giving up the blog, I have been doing it for ages now, maybe about 5 years give or take and I think I am running out of things to say. And motherhood has turned my brain to mush, seriously speaking of words in more than 5 letters is a struggle. I've lost the love a bit actually and probably because my blogging is so intermittent, my audience.

I also notice how many blogs that mothers write revolve around their children, mostly with phrases like 'here we are at the beach' or 'My first piece of apple' and although i am guilty of this. lets be honest it's mostly really boring.

Also there's lots of stuff going down in the Bennett household that i can't talk about. Now by saying this i am not trying to encourage drama or for you to beg me to tell you what is going on. (Much like a Facebook friend whose status updates are 'I'm so angry' and then people ask why and she never responds, seriously is there anything more attention seeking!)  Just that there is stuff that I can't talk about because of national security reasons. This leads to a barrier between you my audience and me the narrator. And as i' m trying to live my life more honestly these days, (It's awesome you should try it) i find that being unable to write about these things means my blogging flow is blocked, big time.

And when you add into the mix Facebook and I feel like I am interacting with people on a digital level. Maybe i should put my Facebook posts on here. Maybe not.

Pack horse

Question: How much can I fit on mackay's stroller?
Answer: a shit load

And they say it's a thankless task ...

Today I was changing mackays nappy and afterwards he said 'thank you for wiping my bottom' he's a sweetie through and through.

Two best friends x

supportive issues

There were only three people at my weekly step aerobics class last week, all the other unemployed women, (other wise known as housewives) must have swanned off to the South of France on holiday. My gym is very expensive and all the woman  that go there are rich. I know this because there engagement rings are the size of my eye ball.

Anyway because there were only three people i was subjected to the sight of seeing myself all the way through the class. Usually i avoid this by standing in the thick of the crowd and by not wearing my glasses. But this week I watched myself in my full glory for the whole hour.

I have come to terms with the fact that i will never be co-ordianted, despite watching Dirty Dancing about a million times and thinking 'that could be me, I could be Baby and learn to dance awesomely in a few days' I could not. What i am still fighting is my boob bounce. I think it's the way i move. I have some type of torso/knee issue that mans when i do any exercise I get excessive bounce in the chest region. And i have tried every bra going, googled 'best sports bra' and bought all of them and i still get a lot of jiggle. I thought this was what everyone got until i saw a lady in my step class with similar chest size with no bounce and then i looked around and no one had any bounce. it was just me flopping all over the place. It happened when i run too, I also stick my bum out when I run, which is extremely attractive. (i know this because when I run past shops i check myself out in the mirror.)

I have no idea why i bother to exercise at all because i look like such a lemon doing it.

Also today Mackay went in the kitchen to get a cookie and Jamie said 'no more cookies Mackay.' He kept on walking and yelled 'Stop me!' back at Jamie. I laughed and Jamie said 'Has he never said that to you? He says it to me all the time.' Mackay has never said this to me and instantly I felt like a better parent than Jamie. success!

PND

PND is an abbreviation for Post-Natal depression, not sure why it's needs an abbreviation but it does. I had PND, (that's why there's an abbreviation, it takes ages to type!) for about 15 months I think.

Anyway it wasn't a pleasant experience and I should have sorted it out earlier but to be honest I didn't really know enough about it to diagnose myself and also I didn't get much help from health care professionals. A highlight was when I  waited for a doctors appointment for an hour and was crying hysterically when I saw the doctor, still he didn't think I might have overreacted to the situation.

But I think it went on for so long because I didn't know what it looked like. I thought that depression was lying in bed all day crying and towards the end it got so bad that I had a few days where I couldn't leave the bed, but mostly I wasn't myself at all. I was stressed about the littlest thing, generally quite mean to Jamie and so anxiuos. I thought this was just me adjusting to motherhood and some of it was, but a large part of this was the depression and it changed every part of my life. I just couldn't see the joy in anything. Every nice thing in my life was shaded by stress and anxiety.

And also did you know that baby blues last for about a week and then you should be feeling more normal? Well if someone had told me that fact I would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble.

I was hesitant to take medication because I felt like it would show weakness, and how i wasn't coping with motherhood or life in general.  And to be honest this feeling is still hard for me to shake. All i can say is that the medication solved my problem, I know that for everyone it doesn't work but for me it gave me a positivity and clarity to be myself again.

I started on a very light anti-drepressant when Mackay was 15 months and it was like someone had flicked a switch in my brain, I was on them for about 3 months and I think my brain just needed a little bit of a kickstart in the right direction. My life coach helped too and now when i get a negative feeling instead of pushing it out of my mind I participate it and feel it, even if it makes me uncomfortable. For me the suppression of a lot of feelings makes my mood really low. Although i hope i'll never go on medication again I wouldn't hesitate to go on it again if I ever found myself back in that place. And I definitely wouldn't wait until I was incapable of getting out of bed to pop a few pills to make myself feel better.

There seems to be a lot of shame in admitting you have suffered from PND, not for me I will tell anyone who will listen, it was something I went through that was hard and I survived it, I'm proud of myself and I'm really proud of Jaime who showed amazing patience and how much he loves me.

And this is a little quote I have beside my bed to remind me of what I have come through and where I am now and to have a little faith in myself.

You're braver than you believe,

stronger than you seem and

smarter than you think

xxx

Things to remember about Mackay before i forget

Kids grow and change so fast, especially toddlers. i'm sure there is some proper research on that but I can't be bothered googling it. i want to write some things down before I forget what mackay does that makes me laugh and smile.

he says 'Oh Man' when things don't go his way. The other day we were sitting on the couch at 7:00 in the morning and he wanted some sweets. When I told him the shop was closed. He said 'Oh Man, Oh Man!' 

He is such a good helper around the house, he always cleans up after himself and helps me with the dishes of=r the laundry. I hope this will continue all his life but I doubt it. He also definitely gets this form Jamie not from me.

Today we were at the park playing in the water and I said 'Mummy has got wet' so he walked all the way back to our bags and picked up the towel and bought it back to me. His kindest broke my heart.

He says hello to strangers, often old people who look a bit lonely.

He loves sweets and ice cream and most of all juice. 

He is really kind to his friends, holds their hands and shares his food. And he gets really upset if they don;twang to hold his hand, it breaks my heart.

he is a copy cat, big time. anything his friends are doing he will do. I hope this stops by the time he is a teenager.

he does have demon behaviour too, he can through a tantrum at the drop of a hat and likes to throw things at us but really his funny behaviour outweighs the negative stuff 10 to one.

xxx

Another thing off the list

I have wanted to see the dalai lama speak for ages but due to circumstances and my own laziness I never had. Well today we saw him! And when he came on stage I cried a little. And here's where I go all new agey, he has an incredible energy, a mix of love, humility, compassion and wisdom. A great experience to share with Jamie. Also the lady behind us had her toddler on her knee who sat still for the whole two hours. So basically is the opposite of mackay. Our friends nanny who looked after him today said he had the most energy of any child she has ever looked after. He wouldn't sit on my knee for 10 seconds unless he was watching dinosaur train then he can do about 6 minutes.

Fathers day x

And finally acceptance

I feel like every year I am complaining and fighting against the weather in London, the summers disappoint me and I get proper angry, not just angry for comic effect for this blog I mean like really angry. Every time I wear Jeans in the summer I was pissed off.

But last week I had a revelation I was watching the weather forecast and the weather lady (is this sexist to say weather lady, should I say weather woman? That sounds like a comic book character I'll stick with weather lady) anyway she said 'it will be about 19 degrees which is the expected average for June' and it hit me, the weather in England is shit in the summer. It's made that way, it's not going anything wrong or misbehaving its just being itself. It's like asking a bear not to shit in the woods, it goes against nature to expect the English summer to be hot and pleasant.

So finally I have reached a level of acceptance with the weather, any sunny days are a bonus any crappy days are expected. No more complaining about the awful weather just a new level of peace.

Also watched the football last night in the pub. Felt like old times (ore-mackay) it was nice, I feel a bit rough today though and am off to do step aerobics this morning. A sucker for punishment.

Xxx

Unwashed

I haven't washed my hair since Thursday, it's now Tuesday. Yuck. Am off to wash it now.

See this new iPhone blog update is really working in your favour lots of interesting blog posts.

Upload from my iPhone

Now I can update my blog from my iphone anywhere, anytime! (Internet connection allowing) so here is a test run. Don't expect me to blog more the novelty will wear off soon enough.

Jubilee fun!

Although now the long weekend is over and the weather is so bad I am
Wondering if the universe got the memo that it is summer.

Fruit Face!

Mackay and Jamie's favourite dessert

Mackay plays with my mind

Mackay is usually pretty good at putting himself to sleep but because it has been so hot he played up at bedtime tonight.

This was the sequence of events.

Jamie put him to bed
Shuffle, shuffle noises heard on the monitor
He called 'Gaga, Gaga!' a couple of times (Gaga is what he calls Jamie, long story)
We ignored it.
He read himself his sleepy bunny book, he had shortened the narrative somewhat to 'bunny, bunny, hahaha'
quiet for a few minutes
A few more 'Gaga! Gaga!'
Lots of grunting and shuffling around
Some more shuffling
Gaga! Gaga! and then escalating crying.
At this stage I conceded defeat and went upstairs to ask him what was up.
He had taken off his sleeping bag and was lying with his feet against the wall.
He was adamant I was to lie down next to his bed while he fell asleep, I tried to negotiate so I could sit outside the door but he wasn't having it.
So I laid down, he stood up,
I said if you stand up I'm leaving.
He lay down
I lay down
He stood up
I threatened to leave if he didn't sit down
He stayed standing up
I left the room
He cried
I came back in the room
He lied down
I lay down
He stood up (it is tedious to read this? it was more tedious to participate in it, believe me)
I stood up
He lay down and asked for some water (he was definitely not thirsty.)
I gave him water from a sippy bottle, it leaked, he complained about it.
He stood up
I went to leave the room, he lay down.
I lay down
He asked for his new hat. I said okay and I went down stairs to get it and while i was downstairs looking for his hat he fell asleep and not a peep since.
What is going on with that? Totally playing some weird game with me. Crazy child.

Am i too old?

Coloured jeans are massive in London at the moment, especially because it's summer. Walking down the high street you see all the colours of the rainbow slapped on people's legs. So I thought I would follow the trend and get some hot pink jeans. I thought I was pretty trendy until jamie told me 'Coloured jeans are totally a 20's thing not a 30's thing.' Rude and ageist. But I disregarded his comment and wore them anyway because I spend a lot more time on celebrity blogs than he does, i know what the hip people are wearing.

I gave them their first outing on sunday and I went to see two of my friends who are quite fashion forward and no one said anything about the jeans and I said to Jamie when we left
'i surprised no one said anything about my new jeans.'
And he said 'Maybe they did say something, just after you have left.'
That's my husband, always tells it like it is. A word of warning don't ever ask him if you have put on weight, he will give you an honest answer.  Be prepared for it.

This has just come back to me , like some traumatic flashback, once I was in the fitting room with my mum trying on bikinis and she said to me 'Are you still going to the gym?' I said i was and then she said 'maybe you should cut down on the biscuits then.' Really,  I am surrounded by too much honesty.

Also I think all the step and spinning i have been doing has increased my thigh girth. Not good. Especially since i just ordered some bright green skinny jeans and I'm not sure if bright green is technically a slimming colour.

Below are the offending jeans

Mackay's birthday xxx

Why do i do it to myself?

There are lots of things that make me cry, but mostly it's the tlevision. i would like to say this has ben a new occurrence since becoming a mother and feeling mother deeply, being more connected to the circle of life, etc etc etc. But actually i have always been an easy crier. it's a fact.

The top three tv programmes that make me cry, always are:
Number Three: Great Ormond Street- a programme about the children's hospital in London which features sick children that are usually pretty cute who go through hideous treatments and if that wasn't bad enough about 50% of them die. Hideous

Number Two: 24 hours in A&E Sick people again, this time in an A&E department. And people die in this one too, but it's worse when they totally fake you out and the documentary makers make like people have died when actually they haven't and then they pop up at the end of the programme to tell you how precious life is and how you should not take one single day for granted. I do this a lot, i take every single day for granted so after watching this i am sad and feeing guilty about how i have squandered my life.

Number one: P&G advert And i'm not even joking i can't type this without crying. It's for P&G I have no idea who they are or what they do apart form make highly emotional adverts. Anyway it follows a mum and her son and her getting up early for running practice and travelling on the bus and generally struggling and then the last scene is of him at the olympics winning gold and he blows his mum a kiss. Real tears are coming to my eyes now. Jesus.

And Jamie says to me, why do you do it to yourself? The answer is i don't know, any psychologists out there your opinion is welcome.

And I even found the advert on google, watch it and tell me you don't shed a tear, I dare you.

Shower time!

Mackay definitely plays by his own rules, his new thing is showers. He loves showers. He now has one in the morning with Jamie and me, then one in the afternoon after his dinner and then he has his normal bath. Mackay does not accept that there is currently a water shortage in London. This morning Jamie started singing drum and bass in the shower and Mackay started dancing, it was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

But because he is so excited to have a shower after dinner he now has his dessert in the shower. Yesterday I sat on the toilet while he had a shower ate some grapes and yelled 'one more!' at me and I passed him another grape. Today he took it to a new level and started making food requests when he was in the shower, 'eese!' (cheese) Nanna! (Banana) rnage (orange) so he had cheese, a whole banana and an orange. In the shower, with the water running.  I thought that because the food was wet it might put him off, but it didn't.  He happily ate it and then made requests for a yoghurt but I put my foot down.  So he left the shower and ate a yoghurt, naked with a knife.

I have been very lazy

it's been so long since I blogged they have changed the blogger interface! so excuse me if this has typos because i might not be able to find the spellcheck button.

So what's been happening since the end of feb?

Well the weather was cold in March and then we had 10 days of 20 degree weather early April and Jamie said to me 'i think this is the start of a long hot summer.' As soon as it was out of his mouth I knew he had cursed us and it has been cold and raining ever since. Entertaining an active toddler indoors is like trying to keep a bull from breaking a plate in a china shop.

But we moved last week into a new house which is much bigger than our last house and finally I feel like we have enough space for the three of us and no threat from an imminent rat invasion. Did i blog about the rats? Basically we had rats in the cupboard at the end of the hall (we named it, rather unimaginatively, the rat cupboard) anyway they were in there and they were there to stay after 7 visits from the rat catchers they still hadn't got them all, they thought that there was a hole from the sewer that came directly into our house. That's right our cupboard was a shortcut the rats took to get from their underground liar into the human world. They were brazen buggers too, one ran all the way down the hall under the door and through our lounge. It was at this point I discovered that both Jamie and i are both afraid of rats. Not a good combo for a marriage, anyway we had to leave the rat house and have now moved into this hopefully rat free home which has wait for it, stairs! We now have two levels of London flat.

my favourite parts of the flat are the back garden, big bedrooms and no rats. Jamie loves the open plan lounge and having a dining room, Mackay favourite part is the shower cubicle, actually just the shower cubicle door which he likes to open and close especially when I am in the shower while shouting 'get out. at me and then he cries when he gets wet. Sometimes i feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall when i try to teach him abut consequences.

And it's his birthday tomorrow, he is two tomorrow, I thought at this stage i would be entertaining the thought of another one but i can't really be bothered with the whole pregnancy and breastfeeding thing again. And those sleepless nights, you can forget about it.

So tonight Jamie and I are assembling gifts for him which will probably end in some sort of argument and then we will have them all set up when he wakes up, a bit like christmas morning. I'll post pictures of his excited or grumpy face depending on what mood he wakes up in.

So now the stress of moving is out of the way and all the other stressful projects I have had in the last couple of months I will try to blog more.

Mackay and his best friend Jamie (or Jam)

Another idea

I had another brainwave to deal with the poo situation in case the technology never catches up with the genius of poo shocker.

What about pavement stones where the poo bounces back and hits the owner in the face, or that may be a bit extreme. What about if it hits them in the leg. Genius.

Aerobics- drea style

In my usual Tuesday morning step aerobics (I am aware of how middle class housewife this sounds) there were some americans this week and our usual instructor was away and we had a replacement and he was very spanish and very camp.

And he would occasionally flick his wrists or hips in a dance like movement and the American who was next to me would whoop and when I say whoop I mean she would yell 'WHOOP, YEAH, WOO WOO' And then the instructor, would whoop back! And then she would whoop again. It was like some weird bird mating call.

And no one else in the class was whooping, I was not whooping, no british people were whooping. We were all silent, deathly silent. But the whooping continued, it was terrifying. It really but me on edge, I never knew when the next whoop was coming. Gay spanish aerobics instructor loved it.  I hope our normal instructor is back next week, I don't think she will stand for the whooping.

part four and the last one I promise

I don’t post anything for ages and then like 10 posts in one day with about one hundred photo’s sorry dudes. I’ll try and keep it more consistent in 2012.