A urban legend comes to life

Now if you have spent any time around a pregnant woman you will be aware of the condition 'baby brain' essentially it's an excuse for doing dumb shit and it's one of those things until you are pregnant you think it is an urban legend but it is completely true, unfortunately.

In the past month I have lost,

• my ipod still lost, I may have a hope of finding it as I can remember seeing it on a table or a surface of some kind.

• my keys, I loose these at least once a day

• my glasses, lost, permanently. I am buying a new pair tomorrow

• my security pass for work, I lose this every time I leave my desk to go the toilet, usually it's in my pocket.

• and finally my mind, the best example of this is the other day I came home from work and made myself a ham sandwhich, I got the ham, the lettuce, the bread and the mustard out and made a sandwhich. It wasn't until I was half-way through my second half of sandwhich, that I realised I had forgotten to put any ham in it. I had almost eaten the whole sandwhich without ham! I think I was distracted because the bread was so delicious. Anyway what ever the reason there was no ham. And when I told Jamie that story he said that the mustard was past it's due by date. I didn't even want to begin the conversation of how it knew it was off but left it in the fridge for me to eat, like a trap. So I had a rancid mustard and lettuce sandwhich for dinner but on the upside the bread and butter were delicious.

More brain dead adventures to follow

xxxx

30th birthday and fatty drea

My 30th birthday in a pub with good friends.

Rose, Emily and Aaron

Aaron, Yavanna and Steve


Jamie and Me, a terrible picture of me I know

Ang, Chris and Mieke (in Haloween make-up)

Steve and a magnificant brownie dessert. Also notice Emily in the background, she can't take her eyes off it.

Four months gone, the pictures got a bit freaky with just my belly so from now on they will ahve my head in them too.

Here is me at 5 months pregnant in front of our christmas tree. All comments on how radiant I am looking are welcome. All commments on how fat I am for five months when I really look about 7 months unwelcome.

It's a miracle, or is it?

You know when you fill out a medical history questionnaire and it says ‘Do you have any heart conditions.’ Well I always tick yes because I have a heart murmur, so when I got pregnant I thought oh this could be serious, the baby putting all this extra strain on my heart , it works 40 % harder you know, pumping all the extra blood to the baby.

Anyway so off I went for heart scan, and then I went to see the consultant last week waited for ages and had to be publicly weighed, (humiliating), Anyway so all his hoppla and then the consultant says to me you have a perfectly normal healthy heart. Nothing to worry about, I can’t even hear a heart murmur. Well there are two explanations for this:

1) I have healed myself, it’s a miracle! I am like Jesus, expect I only heal myself, so a selfish Jesus

2) Or the second explanation, my parents lied to be about having a heart murmur, entirely plausible since I have never had any symptoms or problems with my heat at all, ever. So really my parents and let’s be honest, probably my Mum has Muchanahuasen by-proxy.

All this time my parents said I had to be careful, had to take anti-biotics when I went to the dentist, had to take it easy when I was doing sports and there was nothing wrong with me, nothing at all! (the heart murmur was not the only reason I was taking it easy when I was doing sports, I am kind of lazy) I am keeping this story in my pocket for when I go into therapy and discuss my parents, let me tell you. Complete parental sabotage.

Love a perfectly healthy if not a bit fat drea xxxx

As promised ....

Ages ago we re-decorated our flat and I promised to post pictures but I couldn’t be bothered something about tidying for the photos, taking the photos then uploading the pictures onto my blog seemed like far too much effort.

Anywhere here are the pictures of our flat with new blinds, paint job etc. And now it is all nice yeah! and we have to move out boo! because the many stairs are not baby compatible. (Side note, see if you can spot our pram, it’s like a boring obvious version of Where’s Wally bonus points if you can count how many wedding pictures we have in our flat)

Anyway here is our flat in all it’s glory.

Also if you know anyone looking to rent a lovely flat in West Hampstead let me know.

xxxx

Forgot

The baby is now peeing inside me I am absorbing the urine into my body, one word. Gross.

Baby goings on

I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 6 months. On a good night I wake up twice for half an hour on a bad night I wake up at three and don’t get back to sleep. You can imagine what a joy I am too be around. I’m leaving that thought with you.

In other pregnancy news I look really fat, although it is interesting to note that when I lived in New Zealand and I really was fat, I was still heavier than I am now. Too much McDonalds.

Also I have to stop wearing bras with underwire and apparently it blocks the milk producing bits under your boobs, thus breaking the a habit of a lifetime. I can barely control my boobs now with underwire if I let them loose on the world who knows what damage they will cause.

Any useful sleeping tips welcome, not those rubbish ones about having a warm bath and a glass of hot milk. I want to know what drugs I can take without my baby ending up brain damaged. See I am cranky. Lucky Jamie. xxxx

Pregnancy diary so far...

Baby Bennett on it's back, i think. When we saw it for the first time it was jumping up and down, excited to see us, but not as excited as we were to see it. I was holding Jamie's hand so tight he lost feeling in his fingers but he never complained once, like the trooper he is.

The test! One or two weeks pregnancy, actually two. When i did the test I was so excited/nervous/freaked out that I did it at 5:00 in the morning and then I went into the bedroom and said Jamie I am pregnant to which he said 'That's nice I am sleeping.' And I said 'Arne;t you excited?' And he said 'I will be when I am awake.' And then I said Jamie 'I am having a baby!' By this time he was back asleep so i though if you can't beat them then join them so I went back to sleep as well.

Things I can't eat, all of which I am now eating by the way. You will see that Jamie and I had to write mouldy foods as something not to eat, yes because we often go scavenging for food in the rubbish bin.

My belly at two weeks, the baby was smaller than a peanut, don't judge I had just had a big meal, okay that's a lie it was first thing in the morning.

More baby pics to come when my belly gets bigger.

drea xxxx

Where have I been?

The last blog update was in July, July! well I don't need to tell you my faithful followers, I'm sure the only people reading my blog now is my parents and because my mum has the slowest internet in the world probably just my dad who is on holiday at the moment so no one is reading my blog. It's like the old saying if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to here it does it make a noise?

Anyway since we last spoke there have been ch-ch changes Bowie style. The biggest change is that I am pregnant! exciting and freaky at the same time, actually not so freaky anymore more just a little bit annoying. The annoying things about being pregnant in no particular order are:

Not being able to drink alcohol

All day morning sickness, no vomiting but I felt hungover all day for about 5 weeks, complete with headaches. Feeling hungover but not being able to drink. Oh the irony.

Eczema all over my legs and arms when I was in New York. I looked like a leper.

tired all the time and then sleeping during the day and not being able to sleep at night.

Zits. actually i had zits before but i am blaming the baby because somehow it's less shameful then blaming myself for picking my skin when I am bored.

Having to wake up and wee in the middle of the night like a 80 year old woman, by the way when this does happen to me at 80 or whenever, I'm wearing nappies. Already decided.

And because I am only 13 weeks I look fat not pregnant, that's right fat, not pregnant. I keep on stroking my stomach so people think I am pregnant but I just look like a perv.

On my god I forgot the most annoying thing being unable to eat any, I mean any, of my favourite foods like salami, any types of cheeses that I like and I can't remember all of the other things I can't eat but salami and cheese that's bad enough. Oh not it's not I'm also not allowed to eat any rare meat. Jesus.

A strong aversion to anything tomato based or with cream on it. Cream I love cream. So basically I can't eat the foods I like and don't want to eat the foods I like and I am allowed to eat. Dramaz.

And I have a new job at gmtv, it's a breakfast show in the uk like Breakfast in New Zealand but obviously not as low rent because it has 10 times the budget. Really nice people and I feel really lucky to be working there. Especially since I am going on maternity leave soon.

So soon I will be a mum and Jamie will be a dad. Last night in bed Jamie suggested we call the baby after him, Jamie Jr. I mean really.

xxxxx

Impartial jury of my peers

Sent Jamie the following email today while I was temping.

took the last bounty sorry, but i feel a bit sick so I might not eat it.

am at work if you need to email me you can do so on this address.

Also kitchen and bathroom is very tidy because i am am good girl. also i cleaned all the mouse traps because i thought they needed fresh peanut butter also half he peanut butter was gone, so now we are not trapping the mice but feeding them and encouraging them to breed. maybe we need to seek michael opie's advice.

also am not working this weekend. so relaxation before i start proper work on tuesday/wednesday next week. xxxx

And he wrote back:

You definitely have a knack for writing amusing emails. NO worries on the Bounty - eat it if you feel like it. I have had loads.I'm pleased that you're not working this weekend. Relaxation it is!

This is my question to you, why it that email amusing? I know sometimes I can be funny, but I was not being funny in that email. So it's up to you my loyal readers. Is that email funny? Sometimes I don't understand my husband at all.

Then I sent him this email,

i don't even see why that email is funny. never mind. What are you having for dinner? also my headset is beeping not sure if it is running out of battery.

i might clean out my make up drawer this weekend.

have to order dinner soon for the meeting soon and they are a demanding bunch. I had to go to the Indian last night and the guy wouldn't give us a receipt. cheeky.

just went to the toilet with my headset on but don't worry i washed my hands. also saw an interesting toilet seat in the disabled toilet. it was very high. like a toilet set extension. not sure if it was for very short people or very tall people. I will take a picture for you.

xxxx

Now that email is funny.

Also i am having physio on my shoulder and my physio is mean and doesn't laugh at any of my hilarious jokes.

love dreaxx

PS for those of you intrigued by the toilet seat extender I will post a picture when I get home or maybe tomorrow I might get home late.

What a surprise

Never in all my life did I think I would say this in a blog post. But London is too hot. It has been over 30 degrees for 5 days in a row and when you wake up it is 21 degrees. When you wake up!

I am currently sitting in front of a fan trying not too sweat. Which is impossible, any part of me touching anything else is sweating. Yesterday I went to the supermarket and stood in front of the frozen peas for 20 minutes to cool down. It didn't work I was still sweating.


xxxx

ps who would have thought that the one thing I miss most about working is air conditioning.

Short and sweet

Am back from operation and am good, a little bit sore but otherwise A.O.K. and I can only type with one hand so short post.

My sling is grey and I am allergic to it, it has given me a nasty rash. But i did get an impressive shoulder ice pack which makes me look like a Gladiator. Incidentally if I was a gladiator my name would be Scorpio. like my star sign.

Took loads of pictures in the hospital so as soon as two hands are functioning I will upload.


xxxxxx

Ho-spit-alllllllllll

I am going to the hospital tomorrow. I know you are all worried. Don’t be worried, I am just having key hole surgery on my shoulder to stop it popping out. And I get to have a sling. This makes me very excited. I don’t know why but slings are ace. A sling says ‘I am action adventure star who has a mishap and now I am injured but as soon as the sling comes off I am back out there doing extreme sports.’ Actually it probably says ‘I am uncoordinated and tripped when I was drunk’ but never mind. A sling! I will post a photo.

And the best bit I get to stay at the Mac Daddy of all hospitals because I am covered by health insurance. Awesome. I have my own room, colour television, yes colour I assume in NHS hospitals the TV’s are in black and white. And you get wine with your meal. It’s like a hotel but better because they give you codeine. What a party I will be having on Thursday night. I have charged the camera battery so I can take pictures.

I have to go now and do all the housework before I am out of action for a week and get this I can’t lift heavy things for 4 weeks and I can’t play touch rugby like ever again. But I don’t think that’s a big loss, the world of touch rugby will not mourn for me.

Not sure if the sling is covered by health insurance. I might have to check the 24hour insurance helpline. Which sometimes and I have to say it is not that helpful.

Also when I told Jamie that I couldn’t wash my hair for a few weeks. He said ‘Yuck, Manky.’ And I said ‘that’s funny because you will be washing my hair for me.’ He didn’t seem to happy about it probably because he knew it would end in a fight.

I want a sling like this one. A 007 sling.
But I will probably get one like this, a nanna sling.

When I was looking for pictures of slings I found this little guy, his smile, the hand on his hip something about it just disturbs me.

Did I also say I will have scars, again for an unknown reason I find this very exciting.

Stop, pop and roll

For those of you that are interested eg my Dad, yes we won our game of touch rugby. If you want to track our progress you can go to this website
http://in2touch.liquidthinking.co.uk/SpawtzSkin/Fixtures/Standings.aspx?VenueId=24%20&LeagueId=500&DivisionId=0&SeasonId=93

Our team name is Touch you up. Yes the boys chose it.

Often when I play touch rugby, if my shoulder gets a sudden jolt, it dislocates. It happens a lot, about once every couple of months.

I went to see a physio shoulder expert who told me that I shouldn't really play anymore. And I was like but 'I think I am going to keep playing' and he said 'That's probably not a good idea' and I said 'Well I think I'll keep playing' and he was like 'You really shouldn't' and then we stared at each other for a few seconds and there was a bit of tension, before he said.'Do you want me to show you how to tape it so when you play it won't pop out?' Ha victory.

Anyway he taped it for me, see pictures below. When he was taping it he told me that lots of Maori and Samoan rugby players have the same problem. Comparing my physique to a rughy player! Insulting! I think he was getting me back for not taking his advice. And also did you know that when you rip the tape off it hurts. Like really hurts, and it takes ages to do. So bugger that I am not taping it.

Look at my terrible posture in this picture and it gives me a massive armpit fanny. And look you can see my photo moustache I told you a get a moustache in photos and this is proof.

Instead I have bought this very professional looking strap thing that holds my shoulder in place, so far three games and no dislocation.

When I bought it it said on the package 'not to be used for contact sports' I asked the guys in the shop if touch rugby was a contact sport, they said nah and I said 'It is the way I play it.' in a deep voice. And they looked at me weird and I felt a bit pervy.

I have three followers. Wicked.

Jamie is home from Tokyo today which is a good thing because I was starting to talk to myself like a crazy person and worse I was becoming that person who talks too much to shop assitants because you realise it might be your only social interaciton in your entire day.



Am off to make nachos for dinner. Yum.


xxxxx

new blog again

Those others blog colours/layout were annoying me so I changed them. I am fickle.

Below are a few pictures of me and Mieke's walk to Hampstead Heath yesterday, there is an awesome view from the top of the Heath all over London. I didn't take a picture of that. I took a picture of a random hill and a random person walking on it. So that's interesting for you.

Also on the side bar there is a thing called Followers and I think if you join this you might be updated when iIupdate my blog or something, not sure how it works, it didn't come with instructions, if it did I wouldn't have read them anyway.

Am off to play touch rugby in the sun. Awesome.

xxxxxx

The blog has had a facelift and ginger throws a tanty

New colours, new bits down the side, see what you can accomplish when you have no job and your husband has buggered off to Tokyo for a week.

Also I forgot to say that Ginger has been giving me grief lately. Basically this is her game, I feed her once day in the morning and she is a big fish, after she is fed she swims around happy as larry, up, down, left to right, you get the picture.

Then when it becomes apparent that there is no more food coming her way she sulks in the corner and stares out the window, as if she is the most hard done by fish in the whole entire world. And her other favourite trick is when I am meditating she gulps really loudly at the top of her tank, on purpose, to break my concentration. She is a sod. And never behaves this way when her father is home. Anyway I am not feeding her more than once a day, she can forget it and I told her so.

xxxx

My childhood Heroes

Hello Nicole!
How come you never told me about this?
Topp Twins movie trailer

When my sister and I were growing up we had an obsession with The Topp twins, (for those of you outside NZ, The Topp Twins are a comedic, lesbian singing duo and yes they really are twins, awesome!) every Saturday morning we would be at our friends house and us four (Me, my sister, Kylie and Alana) would watch the video of The Topp Twins tv special at least once if not twice. And they had a pool! We choose The Topp Twins over the pool every time. (Incidentally once in a thunder storm our mums lets us run round around the pool, get really cold and then jump in and pretend it was a spa, so much for parental control, I suspect mum was warm inside drinking wine)

In fact we watched the video so much that it had those static lines running across the bottom of the screen after about 6 months. Yes it was a long obsession, it was our Grease and I’m not sure it was entirely appropriate for young girls, but I think Mum was trying to install feminist ways in us early on, unfortunately for my husband worked.

It must have been the half-lesbian in me but I can’t tell you how much we loved The Topp Twins, I remember once Mum went to one of their concerts, we were outraged she wouldn’t take us. She said it would be smoky and we would be up late. (By the way a classic parenting trick of my mothers was when she went to a restaurant, she didn’t get a babysitter, she made us sleep under the table, I know what your saying you can’t sleep under a table in a crowded restaurant, even as a child I knew that, so mostly we just hung out under the table trying to avoid the chewing gum gettting stuck to our hair) So you can see the staying up late excuse carried no dice with us. Anyway she went without us, my mother was not one for compromise, but she did bring us back an autograph. We were beside ourselves, we pressed the autograph really flat between the pages of a book and treasured it. We were two girls under 10 and the most exciting thing we could imagine was an autograph from two singing lesbians, I’ll let you analyse that.

So after watching the movie preview I went on youtube and saw some footage from the tv special we used to watch and I had a good old sing a long. You see this is what you have the time to do when you are unemployed, you can relive childhood memories. Anyway my favourite song is still Untouchable girls.

Let’s just review some of the kick arse lyrics
We’re untouchable, untouchable, untouchable girls (goes on like this for a while so I’ll skip a bit of this)
We’re stroppy, we’re aggressive, we’ll take over the world
We don’t let anybody touch our brains
We won’t ever, ever plug into the mains
And we are overtaking on a single lane
We’re untouchable, untouchable girls
We live in a world that doesn’t care too much
You’ve got to stand up, you’ve got to have guts
And we are untouchable but we touch
We’re untouchable, untouchable girls da da da dun !

Words to live by ladies

Link of awesome 80’s feminist song here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aK3oJrcPL8

NZ from ages ago bro

I didn’t put any pictures from my NZ trip up. I am sorry. Forgive me. Now I am unemployed I have far too much free time on my hands so I can time to put up some pictures which are now about 3 months old.

And it occurs to me while reviewing my trip through my photos that most of them are of little children that I hung out with in NZ. So no scenic shots sorry.

Also this are not in any particular order in fact they are in reverse order I think and therefore follow no chronological or even logical pattern Much like a David Lynch movie.

Me! I thought this photo was funny because it reminded me of your 5th form ball when your mum makes you stand in front of the curtains to get a nice picture. Anyway here I am on my way to Emily and Aaron’s wedding.

My nephew will point at anything and sometimes nothing. He sure does like to get his point on.

This is my mum sleeping on her sofa with the cat on her head. My mum likes to nap and the cats like to nap on her. The cat at the top is my favourite pebbles, the black one is Kahli (named after Kahula, make of that what you will) Kahil is a bit highly strung if you ask me, she’s no pebbles.

Sue, Dad and Louis in the chemist. I know I take really interesting pictures. But there wasn't a picture of Johann on here and I wanted to show you what he and Louis look like side by side. Sppoky, like twins.

The Wohlmuther girls and a child we kidnapped when we where out at lunch. Just kidding that's Louis looking like Johann, again! See picture above for reference.

Aunty Andrea and Louis. Look how tight I am holding him, we were in a pet store and I think he wanted to see and/or grab the fish.

Cheeky Isla

Beautiful Ava

Mudbrick on Waiheke Island, It was so beautiful on Waiheke that I cried on the Fullers tour bus.

Rain on my holiday, do I even need to explain how angry I was? Angry.

My sister’s placenta. Yes I know it is gross and she defrosted it on a dinner plate. One that they will eat off again. And the most shocking part was that Nikki and Jono didn’t even find it gross. I’m like It’s a placenta at least defrost it on some old plastic for god’s sake. They didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Parents are weird.

My heat rash! After one day in the country my body went into shock and I got a rash. This is what happens when you live in London too long your body becomes allergic to the sun.

Louis playing with his car on the glass, it makes a noise that he likes. Also he gave me a virus that made me vomit and come out the other end. Lucky I was only down for a day and me and my Mum were sick at the same time. So we planned to spend some quality time on Sunday together and we did! We layed on sofas and felt sorry for ourselves. And then in the midst of our vomit/queasiness/dio marathon I rang my sister and she said ‘I don’t know how you got sick because you need to come into contact with Louis faeces to get it’ And I said ‘I don’t really need to hear the word faeces at the moment in time' Also my sister, brother-in-law and stepmother all had it. My Dad thought he had it but he didn't. He just wanted to join in our gang.

Jamie and my nephew Cooper, who is very smiley and also just learning to walk and also not sticky.

Ida and Scott’s cute little boy Sol, who is a very easy child. Probably because he couldn’t move anywhere yet, that’s the way I like my children stationery and not sticky.

Karma'a a funny thing

So one of my new things is to give money charities or homeless people that cross my path. Now I won’t bother to explain to you why because it’s boring and I suspect may come across a bit preachy but in a nutshell it involves karma.

Jamie is very angry about my new resolution. He thinks that they spend the money or heroin or a bottle of meths (the homeless people obviously not the charities) I think he mostly gets annoyed because I never carry cash and are therefore always asking him for his money to give to disabled homeless people. Not sure who’s Karma this is helping but let’s go for a 50/50 spilt.

So with Karma and compassion in mind I ask you to analyse this story. The other day I was walking down the road with a £2 coin in my wallet and I walked past a homeless person and I thought, I’m hot, I need a drink I can’t give him my whole £2, I need some money because I am thirsty. I’ll buy a drink and give him money on the way back. But as fate would have it I didn’t walk back past him, (this was because someone was giving me directions not because I was avoiding him)

Anyway so I felt bad but bought myself a drink anyway, so obviously not that bad. Then as luck would have it I walked past another homeless person, that’s right I live in London there are lots of homeless people. And I thought, great1 a chance to put it right. And here’s where your maths will come into play. My drink was 70p so I had £1.30 change and I gave him £1.20. It would have been £1, but I felt bad about walking past the other guy so I upped it. Jesus this story is long and I suspect a bit boring but I’m more than half way through now so bear with me.

So after giving homeless man number 2 £1.20 I strolled on with 10p in my wallet. And then I went to pick up my sunglasses which a screw had fallen out of and the optometrist had fixed for me. And I said ‘How much?’ and she said 'just put a pound in our charity box.' But you guessed it I only had 10p in my wallet and when I put it in the box it made a light tinkling noise instead of a healthy clunk. And she totally knew that I had put less than a pound in but I made a quick exit. And to think if I had given that first homeless pounds £2 none of this charity/karma confusion would have happened. Or if I had given the second guy only 20p I would have had enough money to pay £1 for my sunglasses? What if my drink had been £1.50 and I only got 50p change. You see there are many variables.

So that’s the story, what was karma and the universe trying to teach me?
I am open to any suggestions and comments below.
I suspect it was trying to tell me that karma is a complicated thing which should not be undertaken lightly. Or it could be that I should just always carry more cash on me, I think Jamie would agree with the universe on that.

xxxx

One day ...

When I was little I wanted to work for a magazine when I grew up. I thought it was glamorous and I love magazines. I love the way a magazine cracks when it's new and full of gloss and promise, I love reading an article that surprises me, I love looking at the fashion pages and loving a dress, ripping out the page knowing I will never buy it let alone look as good in it as the six foot, size zero model.

So when I got my job at a magazine I was thrilled, I thought it was part of a whole new life for me and the beginning of something exciting. And it was, I saw and did loads of things that I loved but let’s be honest, the job wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, I felt stifled and to say it wasn’t challenging was an understatement. And I had wanted to move on for a while but still I was shocked when I was made redundant yesterday. And I can’t lie, there were tears. And I didn’t leave on my terms which was frustrating.

Anyway so I had my last day of work yesterday and to think when I woke up in the morning I didn’t know it was my last day. If I did I would have been in a much better mood.

And redundancy is not the worst thing in the world that can happen to you. In fact I feel really lucky, I am a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend and really that’s what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Xxxxx

Ps Redundancy does have its upside apart from all the free time, I am milking it with Jamie I told him that he has to be nice to me the whole weekend. Like it’s my birthday and it’s a long weekend as well so extra niceness. Bring it on.

P.p.s now I don’t work on YOU magazine anymore oh the stories I can tell without getting in trouble. You are in for a treat.

Help me

What’s worse?

No liquorice or too much liquorice? I’ll tell you now, too much, I have eaten my own body weight in the stuff and now feel like I might vomit at any minute.

xxxx

ps This is not an April fool. I wish it was.

Em and Aaron's wedding!

Lots of fun, booze and love xxxx

First kiss as husband and wife

Rachel, me and Jaime waiting for Em to arrive

Drinking Pimms in the sun, What a novelty!

On the dancefloor!

A new house, well sort of

Right so our house has been under a period of transition this is a PC way of saying we have had the decorators in. Anyway now it is almost finished and we are waiting on a delivery of a wardrobe and some roman blinds and then we are all done. No more renovations on the house. I am bored with it now.

The blinds did cause a bit of controversy for the following reasons. I ordered about 300 blue samples carefully going on about a million websites, thinking of what colour/ fabric combo would work in the room and then ordering them through the website and waiting patiently for them to arrive. And then Jamie would say ‘I don’t like that one’ and all my hard work would down the drain in a matter of seconds.

Also Jamie is colour blind! I have diagnosed him myself I’m not sure if he is colour blind or doesn’t know the right name for colours A typical exchange would be this I would hold up a blue swatch to the wall

Jamie: ‘I thought we weren’t having green.’
Andrea: ‘We’re not, it’s blue.’
Jamie: ‘Oh I thought it was green’
Andrea: ‘No it’s pretty much as blue as blue can get.’
Jamie: ‘looks green to me’
Andrea: ‘Well it’s not’
Jamie: ‘Oh I must be colour-blind’
Andrea: ‘Yeah you are’
Jamie: ‘I don’t like that one anyway’
Andrea: ‘Okay what about this one’
Jamie: ‘Is that blue? it looks green to me.’

That is what I am working with a colour challenged husband. Anyway we have finally decided on the blinds and they arrive in a week. The blue is so blue that even Jamie couldn’t call it a green although he did try to call it gray before he was hit with 300 flying fabric swatches. It is good the blinds are coming soon because we have been using a combination of net curtains and blankets and the coverage has not been that good so the neighbours have been getting an eyeful.

On a more exciting front we have bought a new super duper expensive vacuum cleaner. Well it’s not that expensive but more expensive than the £40 jobbies we usually get which have fallen off the back of the truck. Anyway our new vacuum is so strong it lifts the carpet up off the ground when it vacuums. And it has six settings for things like heavy soiled carpet, lightly soiled carpets and rugs which I was excited about until I worked out it was just another way to display Minimum and maximum settings.

Also the pipe is actual metals instead of plastic and it is heavy metal I know this because I whacked myself on my head with it. I have vacuumed the whole house twice. And to our surprise our carpet to a blue/grey colour not a blue/brown colour. Who knew?

Pics to come before and after reno when it is all finished.

xxxxx

I'm back

I have just come out the other side of an almighty bout of jet lag. I only slept through the night on Sunday after arriving in London on Monday. On Monday night I went to sleep at 8:15 and then woke up at 3:00 in the morning for an hour, took a sleeping tablet and then went back to bed. I did this for the whole week, although admittingly my bedtime just get progressively later by Friday night I had made it until 9:15! It was an accomplishment.

Anyway waking up in the middle of the night didn’t turn out to be a bad thing. I would wake up, have a bit of a snack, take a sleeping tablet, watch some TV, get dozy again and then go back to bed. It was a little hour to myself in the middle of the night. It was fun! and I was a bit disappointed when I started sleeping through the night again. But I couldn’t keep on having midnight snacks I would be as big as a house by the end of the month.

Another positive side effect of jet lag was that when I didn’t feel like doing something house wise e.g. the dishes or making dinner. I would just say 'I’m too tired I’m jetlagged' and Jamie would do it. It was like a get out of jail free card. But then the flipside was that whenever I was grumpy Jamie would say patronisingly ‘Oh it’s your jet lag’ in a similar tone to the one he uses when he says ‘Oh are you pre-menstrual?’

So on Saturday after a night when I didn’t sleep at all and on our one year anniversary (and we tried to do that thing when you go ‘this time last year remember we were saying our vows?’ but then we couldn’t work out if because we got married in nz then we actually got married on Friday our time or Saturday our time so we stopped that game pretty quickly.) Anyway jetlagged and on the special day of our marriage we went to Ikea, on a Saturday. I know I have said this before but Ikea on a Saturday is never place you want to go. Unless you have the option between choosing to go to Ikea oon saturday or going up a tramps bum. Even then it would be a close call.

And we got around the whole of Ikea with only three fights and there weren’t big ones, only little ones and they mostly revolved around me buying a shopping trolley. Jamie said it would make me look 60. I said I didn’t care as long as I don’t have to carry shopping bags anymore. And reluctantly he let me buy it. Because as I tell him all the time ‘You are not the boss of me.’ And I wheeled it all the way home from Ikea to show him who was really boss. Although I still have to carry it up the four flights of stairs to get in our house so it’s not all plain sailing.




Mine’s like this but more awesome.

Below are some pictures of us on our anniversary. I am uploading two pictures one nice one and one picture that makes me look clinically obese. Jamie said the make up made me look fat I said I didn’t care what the fuck it was that made me look fat the photo is being deleted. But I am putting it up here in the interests of you, my public, so you can see how not to pose with your husband on your one year anniversary.

Good picture


The bad picture, also I got my hair blow dried especially what a waste of time if photos turn out like this!

xxxx

ps for those that are concerned about my addiction to sleeping tablets (e.g. Dad) don't worry, I am now self-medicaitng with red wine. Much more fun.

I'm back

Success!

Also forgot to say that I have finished packing. All done. I was a bit overweight so Jamie had to sit down with me and sensibly discuss all of my outfit choices.
And it worked. I am now about 800 grams under weight but i still have to pack my toiletries.

I might have to break the habit of a lifetime and buy travel sizes and distill my toiletries into mini bottles.

Next time I write I will be in Sunny NZ and hopefully more tanned.

See all my NZ whanau soon.

xxxxx

Ps If we could all pray to the man upstairs for an upgrade that would be appreciated.

This annoys me

I am jealous and irritated

And I arrive on Sunday and it's forecast to rain.

draining.
xxxxx

What would you save?

The other day we were out with friends and someone asked us

If you could save one thing from your burning house what would it be?

I said ‘Wedding album’ without hesitation
And Jamie after about 2 seconds said 'my laptop under one arm and my x-box under the other.'

I was pretty happy with those answers until our friend pointed out that we wouldn’t save each other.

Uh-oh we are doomed.
xxxx

thinking about it

it has occurred to me reading previous blog entries that there are certain themes running through. I wish I could say they were all Oprahish like how we can all live better lives but my blog tends to be filled with my obsession with the weather, food and stuff I generally don't like to do.

And this blog post is no exception. It's that time again to discuss my hatred for packing. I am off to NZ in a few days which makes me happy! but packing my suitcase makes me sad.
I hate packing I will do anything to avoid it. ANYTHING. like the dishes, clean my bedroom take all the recycling to the recycling bins in the cold and now write on my blog about how much I hate it. this time I am restricted to only take 20 kilos. Panic stations. My wedges alone weigh 5kg, the suitcase about 4 and presents for back home 7. So I can now only take a few pair of undies and one bra.

Also I am leaving my husband behind for 2 weeks and I thought I wouldn't miss him because I am a tough old bird. But I will miss him. And also I am leaving him in charge of the builders and renovations also makes me nervous.

Right so I am off now to find something else to do rather than pack. Anything else.
xxxx

I want

the following things
1) A dog, that I am not allergic to, that doesn't poo or wee and doesn't need any outside space. Any suggestions welcome.
2) A designer handbag either Chloe or Mulberry I am not fussy
3) Hot hot sunshine
4) A builder that calls you back and delivers written quotes on time.
5) An ugg boot that covers my entire body head to toe so that I am never cold again. Though obviously if I got some hot hot sunshine I wouldn't need the full body ugg. In that case I want an all over body tan.


xxxxxx

detox crash

Urgh this happened yesterday.



And Jamie is flying into New York tomorrow. I am a little bit worried. am I really? or am I just tired and exaggerating things? Well we’ll never know.

Also I start my detox tomorrow I shall outline it below so you can feel my pain.

7:00 hot water with lemon
8:00 celery and cucumber juice (it’s rank it’s tastes like salty sea water and old man breath)
10:30 another green juice
12:30 salad with dressing!
3:00 grapes or seeds or wait for it tomatoes!
7:00 salad again. but if I get desperate I can add some millet or hummus. I will get desperate I can tell you now.

And I am doing it for 7 days, god it’s draining and also I get really grumpy as you can imagine and I smell food that I can’t eat. Hence why Jamie would rather be in NY than anywhere near me because he gets angry with me smelling his food. And i get angry that all I can do is smell his food and I make him eat far away from me and then he refuses and then i get angry and really it's no good for our realtionship.

Why am I doing it? That’s a good question and I really wish I could answer it. I would say something like new year, fresh start, better for my skin, clear your body clear your mind. But let’s be honest it’s all about losing some weight and I have done it once before and it made my face look skinny. So I am doing it and have ordered about £80 worth of veggies to do it. Nutso.

Anyway will update you throughout the week. Just to warn you the updates will not be full of sweetness and light.


xxxxx